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A new lifestyle to desire.

I have to admit that the definition of good and bad has always been straight forward for me. But as life presented several challenges to me, I had hard time accepting that what and who I thought was good were actually bad. As a child, I had role models rather they were in church, at home, or my teachers in school, I always had someone that I was looking up to. I would say things like, "I want to be "like them" when I grow up" or "I wish I had what they had." I was always looking up to someone or wanting what someone else had that I thought was great.

I used to think it was a curse to be around what I always desired. Like God would put me in places with people that had the lifestyle I thought I wanted. I had wealthy friends (or what I thought was wealthy). I would be able to go to peoples houses that were way bigger than mines and way prettier. I used to get upset that the very vehicle I wanted others would get and I would be car-less!

One day when I was in college of my sophomore year, I asked God a question that not even I was prepared to receive the answer to. I asked him "Why do you keep surrounding me with people who have what I desire? Why do they have it and I don't? Why does it seem like their lives are so much better looking than mines? Do you even see how I am living? Why do I not have this or that?"

His response was simple yet aggravating. "Felisha, in order to have what you desire, you have to change the way you think. I did not place you around people who have what you want. I placed you around people so you can study how they treat what you think you want. In order to have what I want you to have, I have to be able to trust you with it. Right now. I can't trust you with it but I can show you what not to do. I can teach you how to do right by what I am going to give you. But until then, be patient and do my will."

I was like...what!?! Really God...Really!!!

I did not have a clue what those words meant, but I would later. I did like the fact that God told me I would get it eventually so I think that helped ease the pain. I went on to experience a lot of difficult circumstances after that but in each one, God revealed to me more and more what he meant by those words he told me that sophomore year in college.

I learned that the lifestyles of people I admired came with a lot of misconceptions. They were super flawed and the pedestal I had put them on came tumbling down very quickly. God let me experience what it meant to be humble and content. He made me experience what it was like to have a little and be happy with it.

I embraced the favor God had on my life the entire time and I stopped chasing what others had and what I thought I wanted. I let go of my ideal life and embraced the one that God had put me in. I learned from my circumstances that in the end, the only one thing worthy to be desired in life did not involve money, houses, cars, and clothes. It was literally Jesus and the restfulness that he gives and living life according to God's will.

Since then, Gods blessings have been flowing inward and outward. My growth spiritually has been my focus. Learning to live for God and not myself has been my goal. I learn everyday areas I can improve in and I celebrate my small successes when I can go a day without negativity overcrowding my mind. I love my tangible blessings and I may not be rich but I am not poor either so I consider that being rich. I can now enjoy small things like mini vacations and the joys of driving in the Jeep God blessed my husband and I with.

Now I live the lifestyle I learned to desire. A lifestyle that depends on God for my joy and peace not tangible things. A lifestyle of daily grace and mercies. A lifestyle of love and happiness and a whole lot of laughter. 🥰💜

My hubby captured this at the wedding we attended for Felicia our cousin this past Sunday!